Not quite...

Ja jotenkin kaikki ei ole vieläkään ohi...


I don't know... just a wave of emotion rushes over me as i put up the christmas decorations all alone.... "Oh, i was going to do that tomorrow" she says. I just roll my eyes.

? Really ?
Last i checked, we do it as a family?... Tradition apparently no longer exists? I give up.
My parents werent home and so we didnt get the tree together.. oh and when did we get the tree? uhm.. like a little more than 1 week b4 xmas? idk Whatever.
I just dont understand it.
In my family, we all do these things together. So were did everything change?

And like i said... things arent over... we got one more in the hospital...
Hopefully... errr most likely.. hell be fine but... i cant believe it. It NEVER ends!

and if things are the way i think they are? More drama is to come soon if things work out. I give up.





whatever.... if this made no sense... o well.... i just dont care anymore.

The Sky is Gonna Cry Tonight

I dont know what im feeling right now.
I had to blog something.
Everything is falling apart. I mean, ive never seen him cry before and he just sits there on the couch looking at pictures as if it were gonna help and those pictures are totally irrelevant to everything thats been going on. I ask him what hes doing and he goes, "Crying. Looking at happy pictures".... is that supposed to help things? uhm, well its obviously not. I dont understand were things went wrong. I want MY OLD FAMILY BACK. the ones i used to know. Its crazyyy upsetting. I dont even know how to fix it. This will pass by but until it does, its just sooooo hard. Its just so hard to understand. O_o... ugh.
Im so lost right now. And i dont want to damage myself with this situation.
Im going to florida at 3AM and im excited and all, but then again, Im not... I dont know.
whatever.


It was only just the other day when all this felt so real,
Like nothing could go wrong,
it was like a never ending dream,
nothing ever changed,
For so long,
But now you've gone away,
And i've tried turning the page,
and its just not the same

It was Long Overdue Anyway. 0_o

I dont care if youre reading this.
I dont care if you hate me.
I dont care what anyone thinks of me.
I dont care that you tell anyone.
I dont care that you think its stupid that i didnt mention names.
Im sick of this shit. Because of how selfish you are, youve managed to brake everyone apart again. And now the person who i thought was good, blames me for shit? There are three people in my immediate life,besides my parents and they are three people im close to.
To you, Person one: Why are you jealous of him and her. Oh youre not? then why do you act like it? Why do you insist on seeing this family hate each other? Why does your life revolve around only one person? (we know shell be gone soon) Why do hide out and act like nothing is wrong? Why do you pretend to forget about whats happened?
Person two: Why dont you tell your feelings to him, hes your family!? Why do have to act like your best person ever? Why do you blame me for things? Why do have to be so moody? Why do you always keep everything in? Why do you take it out on mom and dad? Why do you make a huge issue out of everything and then ignore it later on? Why do you put everyone thru this?
Person three: What happened to you? Why have you become a pain that was definetly never there before? Why do you put so much on your shoulders? when we try to help, You lash out at us. Why do you hate me so much? Why have you too become so moody? Where did everything go wrong that you have to blame everyone else?

I dont understand anything anymore... Why has everyone changed? I miss how everyone used to be. Its really getting to me and everyones going to regret this. Im the youngest here and it has its perks but now, im getting no attention when its most important because im about to crack. I refuse to open myself up to anyone anymore. And if i do open myself up to you, consider yourself lucky.

All hell has broke loose around here and I dont understand why. Its over the dumbest things and its getting out of hand now.
I hope you all read this and I hope you all consider on changing.

Is it any wonder we've lost control?
Feelings come, feelings go.
-nothern star by mel c.

Caught In the Eye of A Storm

Even the smallest of problems upset me. Last night was fun thanks. I needed that. I hope you know you can trust me and I already know I can trust you. Its the Stupid things that send me to the deep end. Not very many people see thru me or see who i really am. You are one of the only 3 people that ive told about.. well, me! hah. =) I know you wont tell anyone. and hopefully no one will notice. lol
P.s. Ice cream makes me wet myself. Hahahhahaha.

So anyways, I felt like writing something but i dont know what to write about. I feel really... emotional right now? and im not exactly sure why. things have definitely improved since last blog. Theres no more baby in the picture. Thank God. There shouldnt have been in the first place anyway. I wonder when they will be broken up..all they do is fight...

I honestly do not know what to write about.
Im gonna go think about life. 0_o
<3

I Suppose?

I Suppose everything is better now.

Haha yeah ok. More like some things are better now.

I mean, with my parents FinallY putting their foot down, it seems like things might turn out ok.

I know for a fact that there will be majorly rough times thru this year now but, im trying to focus on the positive. 

Even though, since Im going back to school september, there isn't much positive. =)

But I am going to Disney Aug 29. and at the end of september! yay

... I cant think of anything else. Im really tired. 

but i thought i should update that there is some kind of god. lol.

(oh and i cant wait for Nov.21... TWILIGHT!!! <3333333333) 

ok bye 

=P 

Crying my eyes out....

So, now i sit here. Day 2. Crying my eyes out. 

I still dont believe this is reality. I feel like, friggen Ashton Kutcher should just pop out of no where and scream Oh Youve just been Punk'd. 

God Forbid I should be so lucky. 

I cry for so many reasons. I cant even get my thoughts straight right now. 

He's the spotlight stealer for her. 

Its her wedding year but of course the baby is going to be here before their wedding. 

Everyone will be paying attention to them and I feel sorry for her. 

I dont think anyone agrees with me. I feel like our family is falling apart tho. 

And this family? I never thought it could happen. 

Mom defends him. Dad yells at him. JandT fight becuase of him. I cry because of him. But, then, if you look closer into all of this, you realize that everyone is fighting with each other too. Even if they don't know it. 

It may sound crazy and not make sense but its true. 

Im so lost. 

I mean seriously, come on. I woke up this morning crying. Right out of a dream opened my eyes and started crying. Thats because I realized it was reality. =/ 

Ugh

Once I heard that.....

So today I found out something that was not so shocking, but at the same time it was.

I guess the only reason it was shocking was because i just didn't want to believe it.

She is pregnant. Does he and her not realize that this affects other people? 

And they seem happy about it. Theyre not even married. 

They still live with their parents. And when one moves out the baby gets the room. 

I dont know where to go. But this is going to affect my senior year. That supposedly is the best year of all school years. 

There is no way i can stay here. But, I don't know where to move to without changing schools. And my parents actually are letting them stay here? 

Why are we the fallback? Why does mom defend him? How can he be so irresponsible? When will he stop being so selfish? How come I feel like i get the tail-end of everything? 

So many questions and they'll never get answered. 0_O 

I dont know what to do. I refuse to change my lifestyle because of some dumbass who does not know what kind of lifestyle he wants yet at 24 years old. They're not even good together. 

They're not meant to be. They both think they are but if she wasn't preggo, at the end of the 9 months, (probably less) they'd be broken up. But, No!!! God forbid. We've got baby in the picture now. 

Im stuck now. I don't know what to do in this situation. Im not letting them ruin anything for me.

He has made so many friggen mistakes and he STILL gets baby-ed to death. GROW UP. 

Whatever.