The Erin and Jen Adventure= D

Ok soooo... erin is over. =D

we were so bored we went on a mini road trip turning whenever we felt like it lmao!
It twasss fun. First we went down 516 and then after that who knows where!... we screamed the F**K you song at lights! LOL.....We ended up driving thru colts neck=D and then i found a narrow road and we drove down the whole thing... it was scary. I didnt no what to do!! The houses were strange. I thot a guy with a shotgun was gna come outta no where. lol!! so yea we got out my navi system anddd uhhh no service lmao. and when we did get a signal...we were in limbo/ pergutory ? hahahah

so next, we drove home but stopped at a psychic and omg... AWESOME. ahahha
I think everything sounded about right.
we did tarot readings...
the most amazing thing she said was, ur career will have you traveling alot and ur gna move to ny for it. =D sounds good to me even tho i hate the north. = ) modeling!?

Note for Erin: You will marry @ 26 and have 3 kids 1 girl 2 boys = )

lol... ok off to doing something else.
latttaaa!

F**k you, F**k you very very much....

hhahah im actually not in a bad mood. But the song F**k You by lily allen is crazy stuck in my head. Its so damn catchy. look it up = )

Even though im in an amazing mood, I still want to blog real quick about something.
YOU. lol no not YOU... you!!
yea.... anyways
Youre so annoying. I mean after the last argument we had im like laughing my ass off over it. Like im actually not mad at you, i just find you strangely annoying?...hahaha

I think what bothers me most is that you know that I like my parents trust and the other day you offered me a way of ignoring something simple they told me not to do. Why lose their trust over something so dumb?!?! and when i said no u were all like omg its not a big deal... now you know why I have a car, why my parents pay for my stuff why im allowed out why i dont get in trouble why i have a credit card ...why i get pretty much whatever i want. Im not a spoiled brat and im not trying to sound like a bitch but its all true. Because I have their trust, they are more giving to me. Now we know why you live like you do.

get over yourself.

and then the whole thing about u crying to me everytime you get screwed over? .... No comment. im usually very open to listening to people. but you have a new story EVERY WEEK about some guy uve met online and he screwed u over. ARe YOU EVER GNA LEARN!? obvi not. Well

im not here for you anymore and its SUCKS big time that i have to be your friend because im friends with themmm. UGH


k im done = )
time to go find myself a wine coolerrrr = ) yummy

Wont Blame it on Myself...

I'll blame it on the weatherman.

I cant go a day... not one day without fighting with my parents about my life. This is obviously about my job and how Im sick of it. Ok right, so i work 2 days a week.. but its no set schedule which is a bitch to deal with AND i alwayssss have new days that i have to put in that i cant work. Soon maybe, just maybe I'll get fired.
My Parents wont let me quit. Appearently im a child and im immature for not wanting to work those one or two days a week.. which is understandable... until you understand why i dont want to work those days.
I want to become a print model... runway would be nice too but i know im about 2 inches too short of that dream... u never know though....also i want to become a singer... If you know that business, you would understand that even if you are not working, youre working. Modeling takes lots of time.. lots of auditions lots of calls lots of finding the right agents. Singing takes lots of practice lots of work lots of finding the right songs and the right places to show off the talent.
Im busy tuesdays and thursdays... tuesdays= modeling classes... which i plan on taking more of. Thursdays= singing lessons.. which i plan on doing more with because soon im going to start singing places with my coaches band.

With no set schedule, I can't tell anyone my weeks plans bc, i dont no when im working. Half the time it ends up interfering with some plan or another. This may not seem as big of a deal to you, as it is to me.. but if I want to model and sing I KNOW i need to put all my effort into it. With school, school activites and work, im only putting in half and thats NOT going to get me far. Im just so done. I dont know what to do. My parents are clueless to the amount of work i need to put into what i want to do. They think its a free ride or something, i dont know.

Im lost...
Nothings working out for me
My parents are no help to me
I just dont know what to do anymore.



Whatever... 0.o

Give me Something to believe in.

Im, So, Confused.
lol... im not in a bad mood or anything just simply confused.
Confused about whats really going on in my life.
Confused about what i want
Confused about where id like to be.

He just makes me think so hard about things. haha. I feel like im wanted one day and not the next. But, im known to think too hard about things so i just try to ignore it. I cant though lol. I definitely have feelings for him and i just hope he feels the same.I need something to tell me that i should keep trying. At this rate, a really really close friendship is enough for me.

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try

Not quite...

Ja jotenkin kaikki ei ole vieläkään ohi...


I don't know... just a wave of emotion rushes over me as i put up the christmas decorations all alone.... "Oh, i was going to do that tomorrow" she says. I just roll my eyes.

? Really ?
Last i checked, we do it as a family?... Tradition apparently no longer exists? I give up.
My parents werent home and so we didnt get the tree together.. oh and when did we get the tree? uhm.. like a little more than 1 week b4 xmas? idk Whatever.
I just dont understand it.
In my family, we all do these things together. So were did everything change?

And like i said... things arent over... we got one more in the hospital...
Hopefully... errr most likely.. hell be fine but... i cant believe it. It NEVER ends!

and if things are the way i think they are? More drama is to come soon if things work out. I give up.





whatever.... if this made no sense... o well.... i just dont care anymore.

The Sky is Gonna Cry Tonight

I dont know what im feeling right now.
I had to blog something.
Everything is falling apart. I mean, ive never seen him cry before and he just sits there on the couch looking at pictures as if it were gonna help and those pictures are totally irrelevant to everything thats been going on. I ask him what hes doing and he goes, "Crying. Looking at happy pictures".... is that supposed to help things? uhm, well its obviously not. I dont understand were things went wrong. I want MY OLD FAMILY BACK. the ones i used to know. Its crazyyy upsetting. I dont even know how to fix it. This will pass by but until it does, its just sooooo hard. Its just so hard to understand. O_o... ugh.
Im so lost right now. And i dont want to damage myself with this situation.
Im going to florida at 3AM and im excited and all, but then again, Im not... I dont know.
whatever.


It was only just the other day when all this felt so real,
Like nothing could go wrong,
it was like a never ending dream,
nothing ever changed,
For so long,
But now you've gone away,
And i've tried turning the page,
and its just not the same

It was Long Overdue Anyway. 0_o

I dont care if youre reading this.
I dont care if you hate me.
I dont care what anyone thinks of me.
I dont care that you tell anyone.
I dont care that you think its stupid that i didnt mention names.
Im sick of this shit. Because of how selfish you are, youve managed to brake everyone apart again. And now the person who i thought was good, blames me for shit? There are three people in my immediate life,besides my parents and they are three people im close to.
To you, Person one: Why are you jealous of him and her. Oh youre not? then why do you act like it? Why do you insist on seeing this family hate each other? Why does your life revolve around only one person? (we know shell be gone soon) Why do hide out and act like nothing is wrong? Why do you pretend to forget about whats happened?
Person two: Why dont you tell your feelings to him, hes your family!? Why do have to act like your best person ever? Why do you blame me for things? Why do have to be so moody? Why do you always keep everything in? Why do you take it out on mom and dad? Why do you make a huge issue out of everything and then ignore it later on? Why do you put everyone thru this?
Person three: What happened to you? Why have you become a pain that was definetly never there before? Why do you put so much on your shoulders? when we try to help, You lash out at us. Why do you hate me so much? Why have you too become so moody? Where did everything go wrong that you have to blame everyone else?

I dont understand anything anymore... Why has everyone changed? I miss how everyone used to be. Its really getting to me and everyones going to regret this. Im the youngest here and it has its perks but now, im getting no attention when its most important because im about to crack. I refuse to open myself up to anyone anymore. And if i do open myself up to you, consider yourself lucky.

All hell has broke loose around here and I dont understand why. Its over the dumbest things and its getting out of hand now.
I hope you all read this and I hope you all consider on changing.

Is it any wonder we've lost control?
Feelings come, feelings go.
-nothern star by mel c.