Ups and Downs.

I feel so distant sometimes.

I dont mean to be soooo annoying. You say its all good and that im not annoying but i cant help but feel like I am. My friend asks me if any of this is worth it and i said honestly I dont know yet. And then hes all optimistic about how relationships happen for a reason and each one teaches a lesson whether or not its going to work out to be your life or just a small relationship. Idk. but, i listened and learned a bit.

I like how u were there for me and actually asked me what was wrong. And im glad you listened. I needed to get that out.
So i suppose whatever happens is worth it because youre so different, im learning that not everyone is the same and you will always get treated differently. I am willing to try this whole different stuff too. But id like it if you gave a bit too. Im not asking you to change yourself, im not asking you to give up your life. Just hang with me sometimes, invite me some places. make me feel a little bit wanted?(and not just when im with you) send me those good morning texts and call me yours. thats all!

It sounds so dumb but, after watching joey and tara for their 9 yrs together, i feel pressured. I feel like ill never ever have any of that. Well see...



<3

You mean the world to me

Even though you might be crazy.

I dont even know what to say. To you, Im sorry, I couldnt go on because i just didnt feel anything in that way. You kissed me and Im just not getting anything. You are the sweetest most amazing person ever and i hope friendship will do. I regret hurting you but I can pretend to like you, in the end we would be both hurt and 2196478X worse. Dont ever give up though, you will find your girl. The perfect one for you.

To you, Im not even sure what to say. That one night I was actually relieved. Now that were getting close again im afraid you wont follow thru and yet something tells me just to go for it anyway just try... I wish you cared about me alot more so that when we hang out it isnt the only time i feel cared for. But, I have feelings for u and u have them for me, Im going to try this and I want to see where it takes us. I really really enjoyed yesterday and being able to talk about the things we did. Well see.....


So i dont even know where I am right now. Total mood swings but im looking forward to tonight. hmphhh.

Youre a Trainwreck
But I wouldnt love you if you changed.

Call me old Fashioned....

I was bored. l0l
So i decided to write somethinggg.
Ive just been thinking so much. maybe too much. Oh and i suppose ive been reading too much and watching too much tv. lmao
Ugh. Basically im thinking about how badly I want that... "perfect in my eyes" guy... im only 17, idk WHY i care about that now. haha i guess with all the wedding stuff tho, its kinda hard not to think about this stuff. and then im watching tv love stories and reading books with lots of love. but, anyways, Im sick and tired of the people around here. Gah, like, Why cant everyone be who they want? has anyone noticed that everyone is the same person? no one has class, personality,respect or manners. Im sick of it.
I feel like im thinking about growing up too quickly but idk. Is it THAT hard to ask that i meet someone who I picture perfect? like is it wrong to want a guy who
-is sweet
-nos how to b romantic
-Loves to joke
-nos how to listen
-stands up for me?

thats most important i suppose because i cant seem to find that in ANYONE around here. of course then again i am 17 and i no guys def ARENT mature at all yet. well, eventually but, I guess i could just wish i had that now...just to b sure that thats what i get in the future. hmm

=/

The Erin and Jen Adventure= D

Ok soooo... erin is over. =D

we were so bored we went on a mini road trip turning whenever we felt like it lmao!
It twasss fun. First we went down 516 and then after that who knows where!... we screamed the F**K you song at lights! LOL.....We ended up driving thru colts neck=D and then i found a narrow road and we drove down the whole thing... it was scary. I didnt no what to do!! The houses were strange. I thot a guy with a shotgun was gna come outta no where. lol!! so yea we got out my navi system anddd uhhh no service lmao. and when we did get a signal...we were in limbo/ pergutory ? hahahah

so next, we drove home but stopped at a psychic and omg... AWESOME. ahahha
I think everything sounded about right.
we did tarot readings...
the most amazing thing she said was, ur career will have you traveling alot and ur gna move to ny for it. =D sounds good to me even tho i hate the north. = ) modeling!?

Note for Erin: You will marry @ 26 and have 3 kids 1 girl 2 boys = )

lol... ok off to doing something else.
latttaaa!

F**k you, F**k you very very much....

hhahah im actually not in a bad mood. But the song F**k You by lily allen is crazy stuck in my head. Its so damn catchy. look it up = )

Even though im in an amazing mood, I still want to blog real quick about something.
YOU. lol no not YOU... you!!
yea.... anyways
Youre so annoying. I mean after the last argument we had im like laughing my ass off over it. Like im actually not mad at you, i just find you strangely annoying?...hahaha

I think what bothers me most is that you know that I like my parents trust and the other day you offered me a way of ignoring something simple they told me not to do. Why lose their trust over something so dumb?!?! and when i said no u were all like omg its not a big deal... now you know why I have a car, why my parents pay for my stuff why im allowed out why i dont get in trouble why i have a credit card ...why i get pretty much whatever i want. Im not a spoiled brat and im not trying to sound like a bitch but its all true. Because I have their trust, they are more giving to me. Now we know why you live like you do.

get over yourself.

and then the whole thing about u crying to me everytime you get screwed over? .... No comment. im usually very open to listening to people. but you have a new story EVERY WEEK about some guy uve met online and he screwed u over. ARe YOU EVER GNA LEARN!? obvi not. Well

im not here for you anymore and its SUCKS big time that i have to be your friend because im friends with themmm. UGH


k im done = )
time to go find myself a wine coolerrrr = ) yummy

Wont Blame it on Myself...

I'll blame it on the weatherman.

I cant go a day... not one day without fighting with my parents about my life. This is obviously about my job and how Im sick of it. Ok right, so i work 2 days a week.. but its no set schedule which is a bitch to deal with AND i alwayssss have new days that i have to put in that i cant work. Soon maybe, just maybe I'll get fired.
My Parents wont let me quit. Appearently im a child and im immature for not wanting to work those one or two days a week.. which is understandable... until you understand why i dont want to work those days.
I want to become a print model... runway would be nice too but i know im about 2 inches too short of that dream... u never know though....also i want to become a singer... If you know that business, you would understand that even if you are not working, youre working. Modeling takes lots of time.. lots of auditions lots of calls lots of finding the right agents. Singing takes lots of practice lots of work lots of finding the right songs and the right places to show off the talent.
Im busy tuesdays and thursdays... tuesdays= modeling classes... which i plan on taking more of. Thursdays= singing lessons.. which i plan on doing more with because soon im going to start singing places with my coaches band.

With no set schedule, I can't tell anyone my weeks plans bc, i dont no when im working. Half the time it ends up interfering with some plan or another. This may not seem as big of a deal to you, as it is to me.. but if I want to model and sing I KNOW i need to put all my effort into it. With school, school activites and work, im only putting in half and thats NOT going to get me far. Im just so done. I dont know what to do. My parents are clueless to the amount of work i need to put into what i want to do. They think its a free ride or something, i dont know.

Im lost...
Nothings working out for me
My parents are no help to me
I just dont know what to do anymore.



Whatever... 0.o

Give me Something to believe in.

Im, So, Confused.
lol... im not in a bad mood or anything just simply confused.
Confused about whats really going on in my life.
Confused about what i want
Confused about where id like to be.

He just makes me think so hard about things. haha. I feel like im wanted one day and not the next. But, im known to think too hard about things so i just try to ignore it. I cant though lol. I definitely have feelings for him and i just hope he feels the same.I need something to tell me that i should keep trying. At this rate, a really really close friendship is enough for me.

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try